Tara Lynn is vacuuming the hallway, I thought to myself. Earlier today it was: Tara Lynn is sweeping Pringles off the kitchen floor, and before that: Tara Lynn is scrubbing sticky goo out of the kitchen sink. Yes, lately I have found myself narrating my life in terms of facebook statuses; and lest you think my days consist only of crumby, gooey household chores (which is only partly true), today Tara Lynn has also been reading a really good book, drinking a wonderful latte and playing a rousing game of Connect Four with her four-year-old.
Of course, one could argue that I spend too much time on facebook (I would vehemently disagree with them but, they would really probably be right). But hey, at least I’m not posting a new status on facebook every time I change activities. I am keeping these status changes to myself…mulling them over in my own head. In fact, one could argue…and I will…that this is actually a healthy activity. It’s a little brain activity that I (and, I’m sure, millions of others) like to call “the practice of being present”.
I am a writer, an analyzer and a contemplator; genetically pre-disposed to spend a lot of time ruminating over things. Like many other people, I struggle with what I call static of the brain…so many thoughts happening at once that it is difficult to focus on just one; and virtually impossible to act on any of the cluttered plans buzzing around and bumping into each other like a bunch of pesky gnats.
Unfortunately, as a result of this brain static, I spend most of my time functioning on auto-pilot and missing out on the simple joy of being fully present in everyday events like eating a delicious breakfast, reading a fascinating new story to my very appreciative child, or enjoying the cool breeze and the sound of crickets while sitting on the back porch.
For too long, my body has been present during these activities but I have not. When I think about the memories I have missed and the opportunities I have overlooked, I more determined to be present in every activity, to be intentional with my time, to cut through the static and clear my head. If narrating my life in facebook statuses helps me to accomplish that goal then so be it. However, if I start posting every one of those statuses on facebook, someone please plan an intervention.
vacuumusing: deep thinking while vacuuming
Monday, October 5, 2009
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Resolutions
To me, there are few things more exciting than an empty spiral bound notebook; pair that with a pack of new pens and, my goodness, the possibilities are endless! I love this time of year…an abundant selection of school supplies in every store, a clean slate of potential stretched out in front of me. It doesn’t get much better.
Maybe it is because I seem to have perpetually either been a student myself or a parent of a student that it seems only natural to me that my new year’s resolutions come not in January but in August with the beginning of a new school year. I can recall writing my name in each clean, crisp notebook and carefully wrapping each text book in custom book covers (typically left over paper grocery sacks decorated with colorful marker-drawn designs). With each preparatory task I would resolve to be more organized, take meticulous notes, do all of my homework at home rather than rushing through it in class and so many more heartfelt promises to make the upcoming school year run more smoothly than the last. Of course, like most new year’s resolutions, a couple weeks into the year, these resolutions would dim in the shadow of a hectic schedule.
As a parent, my resolutions look a little different but are born of the same spirit. I vow to do all I can to make this new year even better and more perfect than the last. I resolve to get up each morning to be sure a healthy breakfast is had by all. I will stay on top of homework, help whenever and however I am needed…maybe even sometimes when I am not needed. I will make sure that our family sits down together for a home-cooked dinner at our kitchen table at least four nights a week. I will be sure all permission slips are signed on time and projects are completed well before their due dates.
Yes, my parental resolutions are a bit different except one: I resolve to be more organized. That one remains the same every year, without fail. Unfortunately, I am sure I can count on another similarity between my industrious student resolutions and my supportive parental ones: A few weeks into the new year, these promises will be pushed aside in the chaos of football games, after school activities and a hectic schedule…until next year when we have the chance to start all over again.
Maybe it is because I seem to have perpetually either been a student myself or a parent of a student that it seems only natural to me that my new year’s resolutions come not in January but in August with the beginning of a new school year. I can recall writing my name in each clean, crisp notebook and carefully wrapping each text book in custom book covers (typically left over paper grocery sacks decorated with colorful marker-drawn designs). With each preparatory task I would resolve to be more organized, take meticulous notes, do all of my homework at home rather than rushing through it in class and so many more heartfelt promises to make the upcoming school year run more smoothly than the last. Of course, like most new year’s resolutions, a couple weeks into the year, these resolutions would dim in the shadow of a hectic schedule.
As a parent, my resolutions look a little different but are born of the same spirit. I vow to do all I can to make this new year even better and more perfect than the last. I resolve to get up each morning to be sure a healthy breakfast is had by all. I will stay on top of homework, help whenever and however I am needed…maybe even sometimes when I am not needed. I will make sure that our family sits down together for a home-cooked dinner at our kitchen table at least four nights a week. I will be sure all permission slips are signed on time and projects are completed well before their due dates.
Yes, my parental resolutions are a bit different except one: I resolve to be more organized. That one remains the same every year, without fail. Unfortunately, I am sure I can count on another similarity between my industrious student resolutions and my supportive parental ones: A few weeks into the new year, these promises will be pushed aside in the chaos of football games, after school activities and a hectic schedule…until next year when we have the chance to start all over again.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Performance Review
While doing my weekly vacuuming, I started thinking about a conversation that I had with one of my very dear friends right after she found out that she’d been laid off from her long-time part time job. She said “I figured, well… If I’m not going to have a job then I am going to darn well have the cleanest house and the cleanest kids around.” She spent the entire weekend scrubbing her house from top to bottom. She quickly realized that this was an impossible feat and really not worth the energy.
Of course, as I recall that conversation I begin to wonder: as a stay at home mom, is my success measured by how clean my house is? Is it measured by how well groomed my kids are? Or how smart they are? Or how many nights per week we eat a home-cooked meal and how many new recipes I can master?
For someone who has had some sort of job from the age of 14, it is a disconcerting position to be in. So many (probably too many) times in my life, i have let my job define me. Among other things; I was a Gap girl, a make-up artist or a PR executive. Each of these positions had a definite set of job expectations, goals and semi-specific work hours. I could measure my performance objectively against what was expected from my position.
Now as a stay at home mom, the job qualifications and work expectations are bit more cloudy…less defined, more subjective...actually, there are none. To my knowledge no one has come up with a defined set of job expectations for a stay-at-home mom. There is no employee handbook, no chart of performance check-points and productivity goals.
So, who does my performance review? My kids? No, although they may want to sometimes. My husband? Um, no. My friends? Eh, not really. So, that leaves me. I suppose I am my own supervisor. I do my own performance reviews…daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute.
And, what kind of supervisor am I? Am I an empathetic, compassionate boss who understands that life doesn’t always go as planned and that outside circumstances affect work performance? Well…unfortunately no. I believe that I am actually the type of boss that we all dread: nit-picky, overly critical and micro-managing…stifling any spark of creativity and spontaneity. Now that’s a eye-opening realization. I think it’s time to go to the big boss for some support.
Of course, as I recall that conversation I begin to wonder: as a stay at home mom, is my success measured by how clean my house is? Is it measured by how well groomed my kids are? Or how smart they are? Or how many nights per week we eat a home-cooked meal and how many new recipes I can master?
For someone who has had some sort of job from the age of 14, it is a disconcerting position to be in. So many (probably too many) times in my life, i have let my job define me. Among other things; I was a Gap girl, a make-up artist or a PR executive. Each of these positions had a definite set of job expectations, goals and semi-specific work hours. I could measure my performance objectively against what was expected from my position.
Now as a stay at home mom, the job qualifications and work expectations are bit more cloudy…less defined, more subjective...actually, there are none. To my knowledge no one has come up with a defined set of job expectations for a stay-at-home mom. There is no employee handbook, no chart of performance check-points and productivity goals.
So, who does my performance review? My kids? No, although they may want to sometimes. My husband? Um, no. My friends? Eh, not really. So, that leaves me. I suppose I am my own supervisor. I do my own performance reviews…daily, hourly, sometimes minute by minute.
And, what kind of supervisor am I? Am I an empathetic, compassionate boss who understands that life doesn’t always go as planned and that outside circumstances affect work performance? Well…unfortunately no. I believe that I am actually the type of boss that we all dread: nit-picky, overly critical and micro-managing…stifling any spark of creativity and spontaneity. Now that’s a eye-opening realization. I think it’s time to go to the big boss for some support.
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